empty

memories slowly fading,
darkness engulfing me...
i'm suddenly alone

no closer to the ones around me,
but so much farther from you,
i'm suddenly alone

calls for help go unheeded,
falling sensation overwhelms,
i'm suddenly alone

frightened, scared, uncertain,
angry, upset, confused,
i'm suddenly all alone

my heart breaks at the thought of losing you,
but isn't it you i lost so long ago?
yet, i'm suddenly all alone

grasping, fighting, trying to hold on,
hanging by a thread,
doomed -- suddenly all alone

cold winter days sitting on a bench,
singing like fools in your car,
fading, and i'm suddenly all alone.

terrified,
melancholy,
incredibly and miserably alone

i need you,
but you are not mine to need.

i want you,
but you are not mine to want.

i love you,
but you are not mine to love.

i hope for you,
but all hope has been lost,
and i am forevermore alone.

-----

i know this is total crap... but when im feeling particularly miserable it helps to just throw whatever word pops into my head down onto paper (or in this case type it up..duznt sound as nice) and keep typing until i feel semi better...

but just a quick explanation in case u didnt understand from the continuosly repeated line..but i suddenly feel so alone.

i feel more distant from my husband.. but the rock that was keeping me grounded is slowly fading into nothing more than a mirage. i mean its still there so technically its not a mirage...but all my memories, and even some of my feelings are fading... and its scaring me. because wen i felt alone with my husband i had my rock, and when i felt alone with my rock i cud turn to my mom or my husband.. but now i feel like my husband and i are in two seperate universes (??) and my mom well she wudn't understand...and my rock.. is fading away.

which leaves me alone...and i've come to the realization that i don't like to be alone..especially so unexpectedly.
and i'm a little scared...